Marriage · Tips & Tricks

How to Apologize to Your Spouse

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I have never been good with Apologies.

Even when I was in the wrong, an apology leaves you
extremely vulnerable, something I have never been
comfortable with.

But i’ve come to realize that your Marriage is
the One Place you are supposed to be vulnerable.

You (hopefully) married your Best Friend.
They are the one person you never want to hurt,
but sometimes it happens.

And when it does, you need to sit down and have an
Honest Conversation with your spouse,
and apologize for your wrong doing.


How to Apologize to Your Spouse

 

“Im Sorry”

Although this is the most common way to ‘Apologize’, 9/10 it wont cut it with your spouse.
And their likely response will be an annoyed:

“Sorry for What?”

When you are apologizing to your spouse, it is likely because you said, or did something wrong and hurt your partner.

The most important thing you can do is talk to your partner to fully understand the situation, and their emotions regarding it.

Theres no point in apologizing if you don’t actually know what you’re apologizing for.
A meaningless apology is worse than no apology at all.

Don’t apologize for your partner’s feelings

“Im sorry you’re mad”

This does not count as an apology, and only comes off condescending.

Try to take specific ownership for your wrongdoing.

Don’t include Excuses

Excuses have no place in an apology.

“Im sorry I did ___, But…”

The purpose of an apology is not to justify the actions that hurt your partner, but instead to acknowledge they’ve been hurt, make amends, and most importantly, to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future.

There may be certain times where you don’t necessarily agree that your attitude or actions were “bad enough” to hurt your partner and therefore they shouldn’t be upset.

Remember that it is not up to you to decide someone else’s emotions.
If they have told you that you hurt them, then you did.
And it is time to make it right.

Ask Forgiveness

This is an important part of the apology.

To say “Im Sorry” is simply stating a fact that requires no follow up.

To humbly ask your partner for their forgiveness, it requires them to not only respond to your apology, but will often soften their heart to see your desire to make things right.

Take their hands in yours and stare them in the eyes when saying this.
Evoke a more emotional connection. Let them know how truly sorry you are for hurting them.

It takes strength to admit your faults and be vulnerable.

Attempt a Repair

Ask your partner,
“Is there anything I can do to make this right?”

You must be fully prepared for your partner to not accept your apology, or not offer one in return.
No one is ever owed an apology, and the core of marriage is Honesty and should be respected.

If this is the case, just give your Spouse some alone time to reflect on all their emotions.
Not every problem can be resolved instantly, and thats okay.

Marriage requires patience as well.


Marriage may not always be a walk in the park, but just remember,

Nothing Blooms 365 days a year.

Fighting, or needing to apologize is not a sign that your marriage is failing,
but a sign of you growing together as a couple and strengthening your bond.

It may be hard at times, but it is Always worth it!


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